I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
