i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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