yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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