K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
