i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
