I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
