dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
