This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
