If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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