I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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