Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
