I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
