I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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