So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
