I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
