Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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