Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
