then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
