Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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