she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
