1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize