He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
