I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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