no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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