If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
