i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
