lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
