we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
