i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
