When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
