hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
