Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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