Sry I called you an 8
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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