If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
