I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My vagina just recognized that song.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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