I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
