listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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