I love black thongs
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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