come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
