sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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