i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
