Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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