After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
