There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
