Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it glows. i had to have it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
