Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
