watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
