Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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