I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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