am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
