He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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