Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
