I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
