Don't you send me to vm
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
