I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
tell me about the eggs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
