happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
