Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i drank out of a bidet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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