Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
