Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
