You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
