What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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