Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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