just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
