that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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