Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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