I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
