It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
