i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
