This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
